Dead people don't talk

Dead people don’t talk, a simple sentence but when you give a thought. This is the strongest words to describe the root of pain one goes thru after loosing a love one.

I can believe it one year since we missed our dad. I remember very clearly how today was just a year back. It was not a good day. I woke up trying to fight the sorrow but ended up wiping my eyes and looking blankly at the ceiling. Right the time i am writing this, my dad was in hospital. I talked to him over the phone at 6 am, the last word he said to me still lingers around my ear loop. " Enneke onnum elle da" means "There is nothing wrong with me, i am fine". His words comforted me but how was I wrong to believe that was the case.

April 13, 2010, a day I can never forget. I was sick few days before. That early morning, i had the worst fever in my life. Temperature hitting 41 degree c and had to be cool down with iced towel. I lost my sence and was delusional. Then, my sis called telling dad was in hospital, the only thing i didn't want them to find out was that I was sick. I spoke to my dad, i tried to hold back my cought,....unfortunately one got away. Only one cough and immediately my dad asked if i was well. I lied to him saying it was just dry throat and I cleared it. A man in last hours and still cares deeply for his son. I love him soo and miss him much.

Today, I feel the pain. The memories just flashes. While driving to office, the radio aired a song. This song was the song I last saw my dad dancing to. It was new year 2010, we were in Kuantan. I tried to stop him from drinking... we still had while I was not looking. Typical Arumugam, he does what he feels he wants to do. The only man I have ever known to live out his life. A free soul.

He has thought me a lot, the best word he ever thought me was. Never say Cannot, Dono or Couldn’t. This is the quote I live by.

Later I was dignosed with H1N1, it could have been me that day or is it that i was cought off guard that i couldn't analyze what was comming. if only is stayed focus.... if only mom called me when he had the attack.... if only I was home! Any change on this one thing would made a huge change. I would still have my dad.

The call came in about 2pm, my sister called and started crying. I can't believe, I looked very calm outside. Really calm, just how I normally look. Inside, I was in tears. I couldn't feel anything below my neck. I felt as thou half of me has just left.

The first glimpse of the coffin, I accepted it but still I looked cool but inside, my heart felt as thou a huge elephant was sitting on it. The man that did almost anything for his sons, lies lifeless in a 6"by 3".

Dead people don’t talk, its seriously the thing you miss. He used to be just a phone call away, now not matter how hard I try, I can never hear him calling me. No matter how many times I call "Appa, Appa, Appa" he will never respond. I wanted to take him places, lots of stuff I wanted to do with him. Now, its all gone.

The feeling in me is just great, I may look cool and smiling outside. But in me, I feel every single pain and sorrow. Its easy for a lady to cry out her emotions, but for a man this is not something he can do freely.

If only........but there is no more chance for any of those “ if only's”. I learned that people are really important. No matter what, life is just to short, so just be happy and make people around you happy. We will never know who will stay and who will leave.

Talk all you want now, because "Dead people dont Talk".